Who I Am

By Blanca

I am strong, beautiful, I am good enough. I belong after all ‘cause of what You’ve done.
This is real what I feel, no one made it up. I am loved.

Just a quick thought before we begin: At first, this message may stereotypically seem like it’s meant for just the ladies out there. But to all the men reading this, you will relate to this as well. A good friend recently reminded me that men care just as much about these things as women do.

This past week, a few of my friends and I went to Colonial Park and we checked out their rose garden to see if anything was in bloom yet. Unfortunately, it was too early for that. But we did come across one area of the park that had huge patches of daffodil beds. It was so beautiful!

At one point on our walk, we came across one of those daffodil beds in front of a large magnolia tree filled with large, pink blossoms. We decided that would be a nice spot to take some pictures, which was great because I really wanted to get a nice, new picture for my Facebook profile.

Now, as my photographer sister will tell you, I’m not very good at posing for pictures. I have to be told where and how to sit/stand, where to look, where to put my hands, which way to tilt my head, etc. Modeling just doesn’t come naturally to me. This situation was no different. Marc, who was taking the pictures, told me where and how to sit in a way that would look nice. Emily corrected my posture. I fiddled with my hair and kept asking Emily how I looked. I was so concerned about what I looked like and how my picture would come out.

After Marc took the picture, he asked if I wanted to see it. I was expecting to see my hair all out of place, an awkward half-smile, and an overly hunched back. I thought I would be picky or determined to find something wrong with it. But instead, what I saw was a beautiful, happy, confident young woman. “That’s so nice!” I exclaimed. I went on to express how pretty I thought I looked and complimented the photographer.

When I said that, one of my friends said the sweetest thing ever.

“Aww! Bailey finally sees in herself what everyone else sees in her.”

As I have gotten older, I have become more confident with how I look and dress. But there are times when I still get very self-conscious and preoccupied with looking good. My physical appearance is not the only area of my life I do this, however. Sometimes I lack confidence in my music ministry, or my nursing career. I compare myself with others who are more talented or experienced than I.

When a visitor comes to church, I obsess over what they will think about the music. At work, I constantly feel like I have to prove myself, even though people tell me I’m doing a great job. I used to feel empowered when people compliment me, but now I just don’t feel worthy of the accolades.

I am reminded of the song, “Who I Am” by Blanca, one of my favorite Christian artists. In it she asks the questions that I have asked myself. I’m sure you have thought these yourself.

Am I strong? Beautiful? Am I good enough?

Do I belong, after that I’ve said and done?

Is it real when I feel I don’t measure up?

Am I loved?

There are many reasons I feel or have felt this way. Sometimes I sin and feel like I am unworthy of love from God and others. Sometimes I focus way too much on what other people think. Sometimes I forget what God says about who I am.

But you see, my worth is not measured with earthly values. It is measured by what Jesus did for me on the cross.

The truth is, we are all unworthy to receive the gift of grace that God has given. We are unworthy of his love, and we are unworthy to be in his presence. But, because God loves us so much, he sent Jesus Christ to die for us and take on our punishment for sin. It is through that great act that we are made worthy of his love, his grace, and his forgiveness. Through Jesus, we will one day be in the presence of God.
As for my beauty, this, too, shall not be compared to the earthly standards of what beauty is. I am made in the image of God. I am a child of God. I am known by God. As his daughter, I have taken on my Heavenly Father’s characteristics—compassion, loyalty, kindness, joyfulness, etc. Those are the things that make me truly beautiful. Those are the things that make you beautiful too.

I may not be that physically strong, but I am strong in faith and strong in heart.

I do belong to the Family of God. I do belong to his Kingdom.

I am loved.

The picture I chose for today’s Selah Saturday banner was one of those pictures that Marc took of me at the park. I chose it because that is the real me, enjoying life and laughing with my friends. I feel beautiful because I know that I am made in the image of God and God is beautiful. I am confident because I know that it is only in Christ my true worth is found.

These are things I know I will continue to struggle with. But it is in those moments, where I am feeling unworthy, unloved, not beautiful or good enough, that I need to run “to the One who knows me who made every part of me in his hands,” as it says in the song.

You are beautiful.

You are loved.

You are valuable.

And, as they say at the end of every VeggieTales episode, “God made you special, and he loves you very much!”

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14

Click here to listen to “Who I Am” by Blanca.