Selah Saturday
September 27, 2021
Broken Hallelujah
By The Afters
With nothing left to hold onto, I raise these empty hands to You.
Here’s my broken hallelujah.
For today’s Selah Saturday, I would like to share with you all a message written by my friend Emily Gorsky Bonanno. Emily is a dear friend of mine who was recently diagnosed with End Stage Renal Disease (ESRD). ESRD is a condition that causes one’s kidneys to gradually shut down. Because of her condition, Emily is in need of a kidney transplant.
Some of you may be familiar with Emily. Our church has been praying for her for years. About 8 years ago she received a double lung transplant for cystic fibrosis, and she has suffered through many other health conditions since. Emily has inspired me and many others as she continues to love the Lord despite all that has been thrown at her.
The other week, Emily posted the following on Facebook along with the song “Broken Hallelujah” by The Afters, which she graciously allowed me to share as a Selah Saturday message:
“My doctors have said that sometimes I don’t grasp the magnitude of my health (thanks to God’s grace). This often means that as obvious as my diagnoses are, reading or hearing my them is usually a bit weird for me.
Yesterday I read my official kidney diagnosis: End Stage Renal Disease. So official, so scary sounding, so easy to let my thoughts snowball over. And…encouraging?
As soon as my eyes read the report, God jumped in and reminded me of his truths almost instantaneously.
‘You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!’ Psalms 139:13-18 (NLT)
Brace yourself for this – out of all the amazing, intelligent, awarded, detailed (etc.) doctors that have done surgeries on me, followed my health with a microscope, researched me, treated me, and provided their amazing care for me (and trust me, there’s an abundance of doctors in the category, and they truly are amazing), God knows my cells, organs, and health better than all of them. And not only that, none of this is a surprise to him!
Back when my body was on its last branch pre-lung transplant, everyone was holding their breath (pun intended) waiting to see what would happen. But God already knew. And even then, God already knew that 8 years later from getting my miracle lungs that my kidneys would fail. And even now, he knows my future steps, challenges, and victories – He knew them all before any of my days had even come. He knew that my body would be broken. And yet, Scripture tells me that I’m wonderfully complex; marvelously made, and precious to the Lord.
So today I’m thinking about my diagnosis – and I’m encouraged. Today, ESRD doesn’t mean fear, dialysis, or death. Today ESRD means that I get to dwell in Jesus’ amazing promises with hopeful anticipation and peace and spend more time understanding how He loves us so incredibly much – even when we are broken.
Today I want to encourage anyone else who is broken, in any kind of way, to step out from themselves, give a broken hallelujah, and take a moment to think of themselves as Jesus thinks of us – Marvelously made. Wonderfully complex. Precious.
We are precious to God, even in our brokenness, because God is love.”
“You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”
Psalm 51:16-17
Please join with me in praying for Emily—for her energy levels and for the provision of a kidney transplant. Most importantly, pray that she continues to grow closer to God and that he may be glorified through all this.
